Unbridled love

Laying in bed this morning after what seems like a million sleepless nights, but in reality has only been about a week. My arm wrapped awkwardly around a congested and finally sleeping baby so that her head is at just the right angle to breathe. As I lay here I am thinking I might have chosen the wrong week to wean. A week ago I could have nursed this sickness to the curb. Or could I have? There it is again, that always lurking mothering guilt. As if I could some how change the fact that my baby is sick by making a different decision earlier this week. I remain steadfast. I have laid in the same position for hours on end to not disrupt the precious moments Olive is able to get some rest. How can guilt creep in when you are the host of an endless supply of the most admirable love one human can have for another. Where else is there as much unbridled devotion than as a mother has for her children? Then I see it. I am focused on all of the moments I could have done better when truly we are living testimonies of Gods adoration. He chose me in all of my imperfections to mother these two little girls. I am sleep deprived this morning and I fueled my body with a burger and fries for dinner last night. I should have done this or could have done that. I can see it all so well if I had just not been... well me. I am not living in my joy and successes as much as I am in my shortcomings, but my gratitude to see that in this moment feels right.

- A tired mother

Our summer of service

Ah, sweet summer time. I can feel the impending stress of keeping the kids schedules full of activities and fun. Honestly my babies are still pretty little, but big enough to make a difference so I decided to make this summer our "Summer of service". My goal was to plan a project a week and work on it a little bit each day. Fridays would be show and tell days where dad could post up on the couch and get a briefing/performance on that weeks project. Nevaeh absolutely fell in love with this idea. Our first week we served the animals and made a birdhouse out of a recycled milk container. We learned about the different types of birds that lived in our hood and then we ventured out to observe them in their natural habitat and take notes of anything cool.

It was a good start, but we wanted to serve further. 

 On the week of the 4th of July Nevaeh prepared and set up a lemonade stand with homemade lemonade and cookies to sell. She priced each of her items and took charge of all the money herself. When she finished for the day we tallied up the total and I gave her a list of options for her to donate her proceeds to. She felt like a superstar serving her community and donated her money to the library.

I still felt the need to press on.

 After a few more fun weeks the school year was approaching and we knew we wanted our last service project to be something to give back to the elderly. My first idea was to round up a local florist who might let us come in and snag dying blooms to take to the local nursing home. I actually fell in love with this idea and dreamed when I walked in that they would be on board and something we could do maybe bi weekly and make it a regular thing, but alas they don't give out old flowers. I had to get creative and let Nevaeh head up her own flower shop. She picked out some silk roses and had to spray them all with perfume so they would smell. It was stout, but she loved it and called them never ending roses. She also made cards and colored pictures. I took her up to Mercer Place in Rowlett and let her hand out her things to those who were out in the lobby. I had called before hand to let the care coordinator know we were coming and hoped that she might have some of the guests who do not get regular visitors out there. It was a truly beautiful experience for Nevaeh and for the guest of Mercer Place. We enjoyed it so much that I have been saving all of her school art work each month and letting her take it up there to hand out.

It is a small light that shines bright in this sometimes dim world.

After all summer is about breathing in that smell of fresh cut grass, running through the sprinklers, playing tag, swimming until your toes are prunes, drinking lemonade, and reminding ourselves to always put what we can back into this world. Thank you God for giving me these opportunities to teach my babies.

A mothers worth

Dear mom,

Without you I would be lost. To list everything you have taught me wouldn't be possible, but most of the profound moments of growth in my life were taught by you. I have watched you remain rock solid while your life as it was for 33 plus years crumbles piece by piece. Through every trial you have endured you have remained poised with grace even when to others that seemed impossible. When I became a mother you showed me how to always make things easier on myself instead of harder and how those long exhausting days would be so short in memory. You taught me how to wake up and choose happy and how to soak up the most of my moments with my babies without compromising care for myself. You taught me that I cant pour from an empty cup and to always take the time to replenish what makes me whole. You mom, taught me how to nurture and love selflessly and unconditionally. All of the seasoned advice that has trickled down through the generations of mothers is present in my life every day. Thank you mom, thank you Grandma Susie, thank you Memaw and Mamaw it is because of each of you and your mothers before you that mine is the undeniably strong woman that she is and because of you that I can raise my girls to have that same strength. I am forever grateful for the faithful women and mothers in my life.


Happy Mothers Day to you all.

The Picturesque Mother

There is a certain beauty that organically grows within a new mother. There is beauty hidden within her tired eyes. There is a loveliness tangled in her unkempt locks. There is an exceptional warmth she exudes from her every fiber without her even knowing. What she does know is she loves herself. She loves herself because of what she is doing. She loves herself because she brought life into this world. She loves herself because she knows how vital her role is to this tiny being and she loves herself because she knows this is her truth. This is the woman that she always knew she was capable of being, but never saw a glimpse of her until now. She radiates an aura of selflessness and defines the meaning of unconditional love. Her purpose is clear now, yes it is undeniable. She was created with His hands to always face the world while holding her arms open. She was created to comfort restless babies and rock them to sleep, to clean messy faces, to give hugs on demand, & to love without limits. She was created to be a momma. There is no sweeter taste of life or rewarding job than hers. She encompasses the happiness that is motherhood.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;

    she can laugh at the days to come.

²⁶ 

She speaks with wisdom,

    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

²⁷ 

She watches over the affairs of her household

    and does not eat the bread of idleness.

²⁸ 

Her children arise and call her blessed;

    her husband also, and he praises her:

²⁹ 

“Many women do noble things,

    but you surpass them all.”

³⁰ 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 

-Proverbs 31:25-30

Undone

At a trees first bloom of the year we are fooled to think that it has surpassed any beauty that it could ever become. The sun begins to peek out from behind winters wall and rays of golden shine down on all that has been grey. A bud is just the beginning of an angelic sequence called flourishing. It is undone. I am undone. His work in me is not yet finished. I am a just a mere bud charming the world with my new found light. I haven't even begun to unfold the many layers of petals the Lord has given me. Bonny petals of grace, wisdom,  faith, and unfailing love. As I sit here this morning, listening to the sounds of the rain running off of the top of the house onto the porch I am reminded of how periods of dark always preface immense growth, health and beauty. I am so hard on myself. I wish I could see life in the way that I write it. Instead I fill my head with false comparisons and self deprecating thoughts. I was delighted to see some delicate, but yet divine spring blossoms surrounding me as I went outside. Then I was reminded that they best is yet to come. Those delicate blossoms would soon thrive into mature healthy flowers. As I am still fresh on the vine of life I know my faith is growing and my beauty has yet to unfold. Oh how reassuring that uniquely romanced message from God was. I know as women we always strive to be the most captivating flower in the bunch, but I learned today that it is an honor just to be a flower. Sweet child of God.

  "…I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received." -Ephesians 4:1

Awake my soul

When you are free you are completely uninhibited. You have no boundaries, you feel infinite, and yet you are more in control of yourself than you ever have been. You know what you are capable of and you know the direction you are going. I have always called myself a free spirit. Almost in the same sense as a wildflower, growing and flourishing so gracefully no matter where its roots have formed. Dancing with the wind and providing a lush view of color for on lookers, wildflowers have always made an elegant debut.

I have only called myself free until now. I truly am free... free in Him.  Free by His grace, His blood, His mercy, His forgiveness, and free only in His arms. So it is an oxymoron at its best, I am free when wrapped safely in His arms.

I have been reading a daily devotional called Jesus Calling (fabulous) and every morning when I have my quiet time I get to see yet another way that God is continuously surrounding us. He is there always and no one can take that away from you but yourself. He is willing, He is ready, He is calling and I am at the perfect place in my life to give everything to Him.  I can write about the grace of God and His love because I know it. He loved me when I was unlovable. He was the only one there to extend His hand and pull me out of the darkness that had then become my life. He was hope and He was a new beginning. What I have forgotten is that I should be allowing Him in my life like that everyday. I need Him just as much now as I did then. I know where I am going and I am making the right decisions in my life to get there, but when you are free in Him those decisions become easier and you are able to hold hands with the master which provides a sense of peace like no other. I am beyond thankful for the second chances God provides us. I am the true definition of a born again Christian and I am continually brought to life every single day by the grace of God.

This picture described exactly how I feel right now. Alive.

The wife of Noble character

 Solomon was deemed one of the wisest men to have ever lived. In Proverbs we are able to read his accounts of wisdom where spiritual truth and common knowledge collide. It is perhaps one of the most relatable books in the Bible. By relatable I mean connected in a way. Almost like they are "mother isms" and you know the lesson in each and every one of them. "The man of integrity walks securely..." " A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret." " He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." All of them are relatable to our lives in some way and we all know the lessons that they teach.

One of my favorites is the description of a wife of noble character:
A wife of Noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. -Proverbs 31:10-12

The description goes on, but I wanted to put an emphasis on "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." That is such a powerful statement. That means that everything I do as a wife from this point forward should have my husbands best interest before my own and God's before his. I sometimes forget to seek Him in every situation. He should not just be around when you pray or when you ask of Him, He should be apart of you, holding you together and woven so perfectly through your mind, body, and spirit. He is balance. He is being content. He is peace and He is infinite.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. -Proverbs 31:30