Unbridled love

Laying in bed this morning after what seems like a million sleepless nights, but in reality has only been about a week. My arm wrapped awkwardly around a congested and finally sleeping baby so that her head is at just the right angle to breathe. As I lay here I am thinking I might have chosen the wrong week to wean. A week ago I could have nursed this sickness to the curb. Or could I have? There it is again, that always lurking mothering guilt. As if I could some how change the fact that my baby is sick by making a different decision earlier this week. I remain steadfast. I have laid in the same position for hours on end to not disrupt the precious moments Olive is able to get some rest. How can guilt creep in when you are the host of an endless supply of the most admirable love one human can have for another. Where else is there as much unbridled devotion than as a mother has for her children? Then I see it. I am focused on all of the moments I could have done better when truly we are living testimonies of Gods adoration. He chose me in all of my imperfections to mother these two little girls. I am sleep deprived this morning and I fueled my body with a burger and fries for dinner last night. I should have done this or could have done that. I can see it all so well if I had just not been... well me. I am not living in my joy and successes as much as I am in my shortcomings, but my gratitude to see that in this moment feels right.

- A tired mother

Our summer of service

Ah, sweet summer time. I can feel the impending stress of keeping the kids schedules full of activities and fun. Honestly my babies are still pretty little, but big enough to make a difference so I decided to make this summer our "Summer of service". My goal was to plan a project a week and work on it a little bit each day. Fridays would be show and tell days where dad could post up on the couch and get a briefing/performance on that weeks project. Nevaeh absolutely fell in love with this idea. Our first week we served the animals and made a birdhouse out of a recycled milk container. We learned about the different types of birds that lived in our hood and then we ventured out to observe them in their natural habitat and take notes of anything cool.

It was a good start, but we wanted to serve further. 

 On the week of the 4th of July Nevaeh prepared and set up a lemonade stand with homemade lemonade and cookies to sell. She priced each of her items and took charge of all the money herself. When she finished for the day we tallied up the total and I gave her a list of options for her to donate her proceeds to. She felt like a superstar serving her community and donated her money to the library.

I still felt the need to press on.

 After a few more fun weeks the school year was approaching and we knew we wanted our last service project to be something to give back to the elderly. My first idea was to round up a local florist who might let us come in and snag dying blooms to take to the local nursing home. I actually fell in love with this idea and dreamed when I walked in that they would be on board and something we could do maybe bi weekly and make it a regular thing, but alas they don't give out old flowers. I had to get creative and let Nevaeh head up her own flower shop. She picked out some silk roses and had to spray them all with perfume so they would smell. It was stout, but she loved it and called them never ending roses. She also made cards and colored pictures. I took her up to Mercer Place in Rowlett and let her hand out her things to those who were out in the lobby. I had called before hand to let the care coordinator know we were coming and hoped that she might have some of the guests who do not get regular visitors out there. It was a truly beautiful experience for Nevaeh and for the guest of Mercer Place. We enjoyed it so much that I have been saving all of her school art work each month and letting her take it up there to hand out.

It is a small light that shines bright in this sometimes dim world.

After all summer is about breathing in that smell of fresh cut grass, running through the sprinklers, playing tag, swimming until your toes are prunes, drinking lemonade, and reminding ourselves to always put what we can back into this world. Thank you God for giving me these opportunities to teach my babies.

A mothers worth

Dear mom,

Without you I would be lost. To list everything you have taught me wouldn't be possible, but most of the profound moments of growth in my life were taught by you. I have watched you remain rock solid while your life as it was for 33 plus years crumbles piece by piece. Through every trial you have endured you have remained poised with grace even when to others that seemed impossible. When I became a mother you showed me how to always make things easier on myself instead of harder and how those long exhausting days would be so short in memory. You taught me how to wake up and choose happy and how to soak up the most of my moments with my babies without compromising care for myself. You taught me that I cant pour from an empty cup and to always take the time to replenish what makes me whole. You mom, taught me how to nurture and love selflessly and unconditionally. All of the seasoned advice that has trickled down through the generations of mothers is present in my life every day. Thank you mom, thank you Grandma Susie, thank you Memaw and Mamaw it is because of each of you and your mothers before you that mine is the undeniably strong woman that she is and because of you that I can raise my girls to have that same strength. I am forever grateful for the faithful women and mothers in my life.


Happy Mothers Day to you all.