Broken Wings

I can't hit on this subject enough in my life. It seems that I am always in constant battle with myself arguing that I have lost all that is fun in life by following "the rules". My senses usually answer back to my wild heart by mockingly stating "doing what is right is not always fun." So I sat down to reason with my restless soul and went on a fantastic journey only to discover the true allusiveness of these mad thoughts I have been experiencing. Down in the depths of my heart I truly disgust conformity in any way, shape, or form. I have always wanted to be an individual, eccentric and unrestrained from the ways of the world. I like being a free spirit. I have thought for so long that going against the grain and partying my tail off was keeping it real. Ha ha I was being REAL unique by doing what EVERYONE else was doing. It is so funny how you perceive things when your mind has not fully developed. I have found my niche though, being the one who chooses not to drink is making a stand and being different. I am so much more colorful now than I ever have been before. I think that I tried so hard to have a tough exterior for so long that I just thought that's the way I was. When in all reality I was a scared little girl. I didn't want to be different.. I wanted to blend in. I wanted to be cool and go UN noticed so I just hoped on the train and did what everyone else was doing. I have not given myself enough credit for the changes I have made. I don't know if you realize, but hoping off of any train that is moving at incredibly high speeds is difficult to do and chances of survival are slim to none. I survived though. I have some scratches and wounds that are still healing, but none the less they are on their way to being healed forever with the help of the Lord. I do like the lingering battle wounds though. Usually scars are a painful lesson from the past and will always remind you of something you never want to go through again. I am not proud of them, but don't mind keeping them around to awaken the stale memories of my past and to put an emphasis on my heart of why I chose to hand things over to God.

Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark.
-Rabindranath Tagore